I got some parenting books out of the library this weekend because, well, Abby is changing. She is a very communicative and spirited kid, but saying she is "opinionated" about her and my life together would be an understatement. Mostly this is so lovely as I watch her blossom with more words and abilities each day, but it also has some draw backs such as her throwing tantrums (on the ground screaming, either going limp when i try to pick her up or doing downward dog if left to her own devices). So this one book i think is going to be amazing. I usually hate the books that have an exact formula, but despite the cheesy title, this one isn't actually like that. The first chapter is all about having faith in your kid. "Faith that enables you to carry on, knowing that things are going to be okay, I am an okay parent, Abby will be okay, the whole universe and God are on my side helping me raise a happy, healthy child... and this is true no matter what, on any given day."
That was roughly paraphrased, but it helps when the day is NOT going well (cleaning up the 3rd pee in a row on the floor or worse!), to remember that this effectively is not ruining my child or me. Or when she has a rough night sleeping and we let her cry, or when I accidentally changed the rules on her, etc...there are so many imperfect moments parenting and I tend to think black and white and can really let fear dominate in the negative moments. This chapter reminded me that I can believe that I fundamentally am a good parent, that abby is a good kid, that we can overcome challenges in our getting along, and these are truths that do not change day to day. Her anger/fits have scared me, but I was reminded that I don't need to have fear since I can keep it in perspective and knowing that Abby does love me, wants to please me deep down, and just needs acknowledgement, encouragement and guidance how to handle this frustration of not getting her way.
Lately my strategy has been to ignore the fit it while not ignoring her. I keep trying to distract her and encourage her to make a better choice, but also see i need to let her go through these feelings in her own time. Today at the farmer's market, we had an episode where she wanted the phone and couldn't have it... I couldn't believe how much it didn't upset me, I think because i know how great Abby is and could keep the "fit" in perspective knowing that it would pass (which it did quickly) and i would get my happy, smiling, out-going daughter back. One of her FAVORITE activities is saying hi and waving to everyone we meet. If they don't acknowledge her she keeps saying hi until they do. I love watching how she makes so many people smile...including me. This summer I have been falling in love with her on a daily basis, but every day it some how catches me by surprise again.
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Matthew and I are learning so much right now and we have often wanted a space to write (we process by thinking out loud) but also a space to share with those who care to hear. This might be a good place to do so while the blog home page seems more fitted for events and photos and such. Feel free to check in and see what the great wide world, especially the world of Abby, is teaching us lately.
6 years ago
You appear to have a two year old, somehow. Mathematically, I'm not sure how that worked, but all the evidence is there.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! And I so agree with that basic premise. Providence is happening all the time. My bottom line is: He's not parked in front of the TV with Coke in his bottle yet, I haven't hit bottom. And he'll be fine.